My life as a mom so far

I sit here on the couch with my husband holding my son next to me and Netflix on. This has become our nightly routine and sometimes our routine on weekends during the day. Though we have not really established any sort of routine for our little guy as I hoped we would have while still totally underestimating how tough things would become after our little guy actually arrived, as a family we have fallen into some routines that leave us with a house that is a little messier than I would like and most areas of our life way more disorganized than I would like. But we sit together, sometimes on our phone or computer, sometimes talking about the day or things coming up, watching something on Netflix, feeding, talking to and playing with Logan as the night goes on and sometimes it feels completely perfect and sometimes it feels totally overwhelming. But this is where we are and in its own way it feels right. I am nothing like the mom I imagined I would be and yet I am doing the best I can each and every day. It never feels like enough. But I am learning that it is enough. 

There are bottles in the sink, laundry to be done, clothes to be put away, a nursery that is still not ready for our little guy to actually sleep in, a dirty bathroom and a pile of stuff we need to get rid of in the other room. Oh and did I mention that to do list for organizing our chaos that is on the fridge hasn't had as many things crossed off as I would like? And I did good on meal planning for two weeks and this week I didn't, even though I have been off work and really have no excuses. But we have been eating at home so that's a win. Hoping to be able to do next week's meal plan tomorrow so I can grocery shop Friday when I go to my follow up appointment while Logan is at daycare but I am moving away from my original reason for writing tonight.

Being a mom is kind of indescribable. It encompasses too much almost. Many days I feel like I just get lost in the shuffle but then this little human that Matt and I created smiles and laughs because I am sniffling (yes really he thinks this is the funniest thing ever) and it kind of feels like everything falls into place. Life as a mom is nothing like I imagined but everything I thought it could be if that makes sense. It still blows my mind that I am responsible for another human life and makes me worry about EVERYTHING. I worry about things that I have never even thought about before. I check his breathing 4 or 5 times a night still. I worry I feed him too much or not enough. I worry when he spits up if it means something else is going on. I worry his sinus drainage he has had going on for a few weeks now is something more. I worry if we really needed to switch to soy formula. I lay awake at night thinking about these things but then the image of Logan "dancing" to All About That Bass by Megan Trainor and Shake It Off by Taylor Swift pops into my head and the cares and worries melt away. Because when it comes down to it, Matt and I are both learning and mistakes are bound to be made, but everything we do for our little guy is out of love. And to me that is what matters most.

Logan at 3 Months

I still can't believe our little guy is 3 months old! He is growing so fast. Just seems like  yesterday we were bringing him home from the hospital. 

Now he is our little giggling, smiley faced chunky monkey. That's right he giggled for the first time this month. He hasn't rolled over but he definitely thinks about it. He is wearing mostly 6 month clothes and some 3-6 month clothes still but he is totally out of 3 month clothes. He weighed close to 17 lbs on Jan 9 when I took him to the doctor. Thinking he may be pushing 19 lbs by now. 

We are getting family pictures taken on Sunday along with his 3 month pictures. He loves being talked to and being tickled. He is definitely a morning baby. In fact this morning he was up at 3:30 and didn't want to go back to sleep. 

Speaking of that, he isn't quite sleeping through the night yet. We have had a few nights where we made it through the night but mostly we are still up at least once during the night. Thankfully most of the time he goes right back to sleep. 

Currently I am recovering from having my gallbladder removed, still feeling pretty sore. Logan has been going to daycare so that I can recover. I feel so bad because I can't take care of him properly on my own and want to comfort and cuddle him but can't. Went back to work for two weeks and now am off another two weeks for this surgery which kind of stinks but it had to be done. Hopefully this will help with some of the stomach issues I have been having. 

Well I think I am going to nap and rest some more....

2015 Goals

I think the thing I want to focus on this year is that goals are not stagnant. Writing them down does not really set them in stone. Life happens and things change. At the beginning of 2014 I had no idea I would get pregnant in January and have little to no energy or time for doing most of the things on my "101 Things to do in 2014" list. You will notice this list is still up even though I have added a page for my 2015 goals as well. That is because I want to incorporate some of the 2014 goals into the 2015 goals. The goals I have written for 2015 are just the beginning. I want to work to cross some off by mid year and then add more. And I am sure as the months pass I will change the goals to fit what I end up really having time to do. There is so much I want to accomplish this year. I want to be a better person, a better wife, a better mother, a better budgeter, better with my time, better at digging into God's word, better at getting and staying organized and I could probably go on for a while. I know that there is no way I will accomplish all this if I dive right in and try to start doing everything at once which I think was the flaw with 101 things to do list. You just see all this stuff and don't really know where to start and get overwhelmed and think I will never get most of this done anyway so why try? At least that was how it made me feel. My life kind of revolves around lists now though. What I need to do each night to prepare for work and prepare Logan for daycare, what I need to do each morning to get out the door on time, what we need at the store, and errand after errand after errand because for some reason when you become a mom, the to do list never ends.

There is a reason behind each of my goals and I am going to give you a little insight into each area I want to work on but I know these will change as the year goes on. And that is ok by me. I just want to bring more harmony to our family and our house and not feel like time is just slipping away. Which is kind of how 2014 felt. 

So here they are...
Health- I want to take baby steps to better health. It was always my goal to be in better health before we had kids but that didn't happen so much. Now that we actually have a little one, I want to be in better shape for him so that I can chase him and enjoy his growing up even more.

• Exercise once a week by July
• Try healthy recipe once a month
• Drink half my body weight in water

Work-Things at work are interesting for lack of a better word and this job isn't something I want to do forever so I want to take steps to find something that feels more long term.

• Update resume
• Put feelers out for new job

Spirit-Matt and I have been struggling with this area of our lives a lot lately. Mostly for lack of trying if I am completely honest. We let all the other areas of our lives drain us so that we don't have time for God and that isn't how it should be. We have struggled with finding a church home and finding time for God's word on our own. These goals may seem small but they would be huge accomplishments and bring me infinitely closer to God.

• Read one devotional
• Start going to church again

Marriage-Our marriage really took a blow when Logan was born. We struggled to connect because of time and emotional issues that both of us were dealing with. Even before Logan was born we were having some trouble and having a hard time just feeling like us. It continues to be a struggle but we are both working at it.

• Go on a date once a month
• Read 2 marriage books
• Get away for a weekend
• Start having financial meetings

Parenting-This whole being a mom thing is still really new to me and I want to be better at it. I had a hard time connecting with Logan in the beginning because as I would come to find out I was wading through postpartum depression (which I hope to elaborate on in a post at some point). It is still a struggle for me and I want to be better at spending quality time with him with no distractions. 

• Read to Logan 3 times a week
• Read 3 parenting books
• Spend 30 minutes everyday with Logan, no distractions
• Transition Logan to his crib

Talent-I really want to take time this year to learn new things and go back to what I used to love to do. I used to love editing pictures and playing with graphic editing programs I want to try to hone those skills maybe into something profitable. I am also making a concentrated effort to make a little extra money each month. I will be sharing how much side income I bring in each month.

• Explore side income opportunities
• Look into taking classes
• Get back into working with graphics

Friends-In all reality I feel I should have more goals in this area. Maintaining friendships becomes infinitely harder when kids enter in the picture. And it was hard even before that because of all the various schedules of my friends. But I feel like this goal is a good start.

• Make an effort to get together with a friend once a week

Financial-Once again I have some pretty lofty financial goals. I think these are pretty self explanatory. We did start using YNAB (You Need a Budget) in December and it has kind of been a game changer so I may delve into this more in the coming months as well.

• Pay off Meijer Credit Card
• Build emergency savings to certain amount
• Start saving for a down payment on a house
• Buy extra life insurance and start the process of creating a will
• Save money each month for Christmas
• Create more short term, targeted savings goals
• Attempt to lower regular, monthly bills

Misc-These are goals that didn't perfectly fit in any of the other categories that were on the 2015 resolutions printable I found. I want to get our house more in order so I am also using another printable for monthly organizing goals and posting that on the fridge.

• Write at least once a week (52 times between blog and regular journal)
• Read a total of 24 books
• Organize and purge an area of our home every month
• Establish daily, weekly and monthly routines

I am also using a monthly printable I found to write out my bite size goals towards the larger goals each month. So here are my bite size goals for January and my progress so far:

• Read one parenting book (currently trying to finish one I started in October)
• Find a healthy recipe to try
• Buy new exercise DVD
• Start devotional again that I started last year
• Go on a date with Matt
• Look into booking a room for Valentines Day
• Make some sort of side income (already accomplished this one :-))
• Accomplish monthly organizing goals
• Make extra deposit into emergency savings.

I realize that it is now the middle of January as I post this but I will try to do an update on how things are going at the beginning of February. I also hope to get up a 3 month update for our little guy :-). To sum it up, he is growing up too fast!

I am still alive....

A new year has arrived in full force here in the Midwest. The snow is flying after a month with barely any snowfall. I have returned to work after 12 weeks off with our little guy who decided to grace us with his entrance into the world on October 15, 2014 at 8:03 PM weighing 9 pounds, 9 ounces and 22 inches long. Well he didn't so much decide to arrive as we evicted him forcefully because I think he was just too comfy in there, in other words I had a c-section 12 hours after my water had been broken when I was dilated to 3 almost 4. And nothing happened except for painful contractions that entire time. No more dilating and no moving down. I was pretty disappointed initially, I really didn't want to have major abdominal surgery on top of being a new mom. I decided to call my aunt who has some medical expertise and she reassured me that c-sections are just sometimes necessary and that the recovery would be a little rocky but with all the help I have close to home she thought I could handle it. I also texted my best friend and she called and talked to me about how she had been praying against complications with my labor and delivery because she just had a feeling and then my mind was pretty much made up and they went ahead and prepared me for surgery. And now here with are almost three months later.....

 Still in shock that I had been growing this little guy

Checking himself out in the mirror this past weekend

Things have been in one word: different. A lot has happened over the past almost three months and I hope to write in more detail about some of them as the days go by and a routine sinks in with being a working mom. I just came back to work on Monday with a heavy heart but this is what I have to do to take care of our son and give him what he needs and deserves. Plus in all honesty I don't think God intended for me to be a stay at home mom, I like coming to work (most days) and enjoy providing for our family. Though the whole label of SAHM, WAHM etc etc drives me a little bonkers. We are all moms, why do we need to classify exactly what kind of mom we are?

I wanted to end by letting you know about how I did on my 101 87 things to do in 2014 list. Pretty much it was a bust...with the pregnancy and having a new baby I found it difficult to get out or have motivation to do much. Some of them I made progress on but didn't actually finish. I am going to be doing a goals/resolutions list for 2015 that I think will be much smaller than this but include some of those things I didn't quite get to. I am also going to try and do monthly updates on my goals for the year, as well as updates on our guy. So here is where I ended up at....

13/101
101 87 Things to Do in 2014

1. Spend a romantic weekend with Matt
2. Type up half of journals
3. Go to Las Vegas
4. Take a day trip to Chicago
5. Have a girls night out
6. Go to Binder Park Zoo (4/16)
7. Go to a zoo I have not visited
8. Go to the beach
9. Go camping
10. Try out meal planning for one whole month
11. Pay off both credit cards (1 down, 1 to go) (Mar 14)
12. When credit cards are paid off, make more than minimum payment on all debt
13. Do not accumulate any new debt (end year with less debt than started)
14. Try 5 new recipes

• Copycat Panera Mac and Cheese (5/14)
• Another Mac and Cheese Recipe (6/11)
• Creamy Italian Chicken (6/14)
• Snickerdoodle Popcorn (12/26)

15. Try 5 new crockpot recipes
16. Reorganize music on laptop
17. Host a game night
18. Read 5 books of the Bible
19. Read 20 Fiction books (8/20) (Aug 25)
20. Read 5 Finance books (2/5) (Feb 9)
21. Read 5 Christian books
22. Read 5 Nonfiction books (1/5) (Jan 18)
23. Read 5 Memoirs (2/5) (Aug 25)
24. Visit family in Traverse City
25. Recover my blankie (In progress as of 7/18) Turned out so awesome and ended up with a keepsake for me and a blankie for our son :-) Thanks Meag!
26. Start to learn how to sew
27. Make blanket with old t-shirts
28. Back up my computer
29. Try out a funky color in my hair
30. Make homemade treats for dog
31. Make homemade treats for cats
32. Watch 35 movies I have never seen before (15/35) (Aug 25)
33. See 3 movies in the theatre (2/3) (Jun 7)(Nov?)
34. Start a journal
35. Write 10 notes to friends and family for no particular reason
36. Know all family and friend birthdays and have them recorded on calendar for future years
37. Organize spare bedroom Clean out spare bedroom and set up nursery :-)
38. Start walking the dog again
39. Hang up 5 more picture frames
40. Go garage saleing
41. Spend a night at the cottage
42. Carve a pumpkin
43. Volunteer at the animal shelter
44. Organize clothes
45. Watch a sunrise
46. Watch a sunset
47. Play a new game
48. Sort through hope chest
49. Do something with Matt that neither of us has done
50. Give some stuff away
51. Buy a grill
52. Start to look into taking classes
53. Blog four times a month
54. Send Christmas Cards
55. Do one cross-stitch project
56. Put together a puzzle
57. Start the wedding scrapbook
58. Put our wedding pictures in an album for the coffee table
59. Get a new couch (on layaway as of 5/26, I think that counts!)
60. Have a snowball fight
61. Go sledding
62. Shoot a gun
63. See Whitney at least once!
64. Host Turkey Day once again
65. Organize my jewelry
66. Tithe 5%
67. Come up with a system to track kitchen inventory
68. Organize books on Goodreads (make categories)
69. Organize desk to keep better track of papers
70. Clean out email
71. Create a cleaning schedule
72. Start counting calories again
73. Try a new exercise DVD
74. Bake 5 new things

• Red Lobster Biscuits (From box but I still say it counts :-)) (Feb 3)

75. Bake anything at least 5 times
76. Organize recipe binder
77. Read a poetry book
78. Tip a waitress 100% or more
79. Organize bathroom
80. Give up pop
81. Give up something for Lent
82. Make homemade gifts
83. Get dressed up and go out
84. Try out new ways to make extra money
85. Keep resume updated
86. Color
87. Play a new board game