Saturday, February 16, 2008

Top Ten Ways to Kill Time

10. Take a nap
9. Watch TV on DVD or internet
8. Do sudoku
7. Organize stuff on computer
6. Play free trial games on computer
5. Have a random conversation in the middle of the night
4. Make to do lists
3. Myspace
2. Facebook
1. Trying to find new interesting things on the internet (which is my current action)

Another great way is making this list while watching Will and Grace (on DVD) alone on a Friday night.
What a life I lead :)
Friday, February 1, 2008

Second Semester thus far....

Here I am in my 4th semester of college. Wow. I have been out of high school for 2 years. Some days it seems unreal. This was my first week of classes and already I have so much to do. I am taking biology, chemistry, religion and Spanish. Lots and lots of reading. I am trying to stay on top of things but already I am falling behind. It is going to be a long semester, but I don't think any of them have been easy so that is nothing new. In high school it would have devastated me to get a C+ and now I have received two in college and realized that things go on and what I learn isn't based on grades. Guess that is a perspective a Christian liberal college can give you. Though I still do worry daily about getting into Pharmacy school. And I don't have to apply for another year. I need to go back to my way of thinking from last post. Live for now, in the moment. But it is so hard when so much of what I do depends on my decisions today. I guess every day is a risk, in a way. But at the same time not, because God is there to guide it in the path He wants it to take. My relationship with Him is suffering, always. I thought it was becoming stronger again but I realize that I am still on shaky ground in that respect. I try to talk to Him, but everything I say comes out wrong. I know He knows what I mean but it shouldn't be so hard. It should be effortless. Knowing that Jesus Christ is my savior gives me hope for each passing day and yet I can't give Him that hope back. I wish I could truly trust Him. But my heart right now has a small piece that just can't. I keep praying and having faith but there is one small part of me that is still so scared.
Sunday, January 20, 2008

My New Beginning

This year is the start of something for me. Though I am not sure what at this point. I have left behind the shell of myself and now want to start anew. I am trying to leave behind relationships that are holding me back from everything I can and will be. I want to do so many things that have yet to even be started. There are moments in life when it feels as if cool fresh water has washed over you and made you new. I had one of those. But now I am in transition and scared and lonely. I don't know who to talk to about these feelings because it is difficult to understand. I don't feel bad exactly just different, like a new born learning to walk in an unfamiliar world. I hope the changes to come will mean something and help me see myself as I deserve.
This blog is my fresh beginning. Where I will document this new life and its challenges.