Tuesday, April 15, 2014

New Journey

I know that I have been few and far between with my posts and that I am failing miserably at my Things to Do in 2014 list. I am also failing miserably at to do lists in my own life and keeping up with our finances. But there is a very good reason for this. One that I have been meaning to write about for quite some time but wanted the news to be out in the world before I wrote a post about it that someone might accidentally stumble across. Matt and I found out in February (the same week he got hired in full time) that we have been blessed with a child growing inside of me. Right now this tiny child that Matt and I created is developing and growing inside of me. To say this is strange and amazing and awesome does not even put it into words. This is the other reason I haven't mentioned it and even when writing in my own personal journal I find myself using cliches and trying to come up with just the right words and I have yet to be able to truly do this miracle justice.

When I told Matt (after peeing on 3 pregnancy tests just to be sure because even though we had been trying I honestly could not believe it) I saw the tears spring into his eyes and he said "We're going to parents" with a look I can only describe as pure joy. The last time I saw him that filled with joy was on our wedding day. And before that the day we got engaged. He has been talking about starting a family pretty much since the beginning of our relationship. Matt is already a father to a little boy in heaven and helped to father 3 children that were not his own in past relationships. I am not going to go in great detail as they are not my stories to tell but hearing him tell the stories and the pain in his voice about how having these children basically ripped away from him because of circumstances beyond his control, I can tell you that my husband was meant to be a father and I couldn't ask for a better man to begin my journey into parenthood alongside. In truth, I am terrified. Matt and I knew this was where we were headed from the beginning. Family is important to both of us and starting our own was the natural next step after getting married. But when you pee on that stick and go to the doctor and hear that heartbeat inside of you, it becomes real. Not just a theory or talk anymore. This is going to happen (if it is in God's will for us to meet this miracle). Being a parent, responsible for the life of a child is a big deal. The biggest responsibility we get in this life. And I think being terrified is completely normal because I also love him or her more than I could ever imagine already. 

In case you are curious, I am 15 weeks along on Wednesday or Thursday (not sure of exact day my last period started) and have a due date of October 9. It doesn't seem far away to me at all but yet it seems to be moving along slowly. Maybe that is because it is mostly what I think about or that the days seem to drag together from being tired and lack of motivation. Thankfully morning sickness mostly passed me over, had some nausea in the very beginning but other than that mostly just bloated and gross feeling every time I eat and now starting to get some heartburn as well. I feel like I am starting to get a baby belly but because I am overweight and have always kind of had a beer gut not truly sure lol. I have taken a couple pictures and need to set them side by side. I would love to not gain any weight but not sure if that is going to happen when only certain things are appealing to eat, vegetables not really being one of them, but I am trying. Eating more fruit, walking more, cutting down on portion sizes. Should probably be counting calories and may start that soon. 

Life certainly changes. There are days when I want it to slow down and savor every minute of this pregnancy and there are days I just want it to be October so I can meet the newest member of our family. Hormones definitely mess with your brain....

I do hope to update on our finances for March sometime before the end of this month as we had some exciting progress. But the monthly updates will probably not continue as I think we are going to change our management system to a more paycheck by paycheck basis as I think that would work better for us at this point. I think we are going to try something like this from Creative Savings. But will probably not be implementing that until May, April is a bust at this point. Next OB appointment is May 2 :-) So hopefully will have a financial post and a baby update in the next few weeks if nothing else......we will see how things go I suppose.