Time

Since the last time I posted so much has happened, it is really hard to know where to begin. I feel like I wrote that last blog post and turned around and it is 6 months later. Where did the time go? Well I now have a new last name and my husband (still really weird to say, ask my coworkers lol) has started a new job (still as a temp but more money and hours). Temp work is a frustrating thing but because he is in school, it is really one of the only options if he still wants to work full time. I continue to hold down two jobs only by the grace of God. My husband and I work about the same amount of hours (50) each week and he has school on top of that. Just one of the reasons he is my superman.

  This is one of my favorite pictures of us ever. I had found a picture on pinterest where the groom and all the groomsmen did this and thought the concept fitted us perfectly. Since Matt being my superman was one of our little things. I had bought him Superman shirts, undies etc for birthdays and anniversaries. And I thought he had forgotten about this idea but he showed up wearing the shirt under his tux and I was sooo excited :D. 

Other than that, we try to make the most time we can to be together, to see our families and friends and to just breathe. Some weeks it is super difficult but we do what we can. Somehow our conversation always seems to turn to starting a family. Matt is so ready to be a daddy and has been pretty much since I have known him. His past is a big part of that. So many times he has been a dad and it has just been taken away from him. Right out of high school he had a little boy with his girlfriend and tragically they were killed by a drunk driver before the little boy was even one. Just thinking about this makes me tear up. I can't begin to imagine that pain. And even after that, he was engaged to another woman with two kids and Matt pretty much became the father in their life but things with her didn't work out and leaving those kids was one of the most difficult things he ever did. I know that Matt will be an amazing dad. Our plan at this point is to possibly start trying next year, pending job situations and such. But I know in the back of my mind that it is not up to us but to the One who created us. When and if God wants us to bring a child into this world, it will happen whether I feel ready or not. 

I am hoping to have more time to blog now but it never seems to work out that way. I thought when the wedding was over there would be more time for lots of things but turns out having two jobs is kind of what was keeping me so busy because I feel almost as busy now lol. 

And so the countdown begins....

Exactly 4 months and 2 days until what I believe will be the happiest day of my short life thus far. The day I become a Mrs. Until Matt and I tie the knot and take that big leap together into the great unknown of marriage. To spend my life with Matt by my side will be the best thing I could ever ask for. Someone to stand by me when I am ugly and crabby and crazy and be there to laugh with me through everything life throws at us. I can't imagine my life without him and to be honest I wouldn't want to go back to life without him. He was the missing piece, he helped me to realize who I am and be thankful for it, not ashamed of it. The countdown has been going on since we got engaged a little over a year ago but now we are in crunch time, making sure all those details work together to make June 23 a magical day, not to be forgotten. From putting together invitations with my best friends to picking a florist to choosing tuxes to ordering the shoes to finding my something old, I am consumed with wedding. There are days I would rather be sleeping or relaxing but all of this planning will be worth it because in the end Matt and I will be husband and wife and that is what matters. What is at the heart of this thing we call a wedding. Don't get me wrong I can't wait for this party but the planning part is a lot more work than I had imagined especially working 50-60 hours a week and looking for an apartment and finding time to have a life. We have a lot on our plate but that is all part of this fun stuff I call being an adult. My day dreams now consist of having a place all our own to relax in and keep the way I would like it kept. A space to do bills that isn't a nightstand, a file cabinet to keep important papers not a plastic box. A bathroom to organize the way I like it and only have my stuff. And the list goes on but God has given me a place to live, food in my belly, a man who loves me, friends and family who are willing to help and love me through anything. Also jobs for both me and Matt to help us to start our lives together in this crazy mixed up world.

Shower is calling and then bed for this girl, tired beyond belief