Sunday, October 13, 2013

Friendship Defined

I realize I have been writing a lot about change and moving forward and growing up etc etc etc and this I feel pertains to that in ways as well. I am truly starting to realize what it means to be a friend. It isn't always about how much time you spend together or even necessarily knowing every single thing about a person. Friendship can be defined in a multitude of ways. I feel like I have always had different types of friends. In high school I had friends I talked to pretty much every single day. I had friends who I said hi to in the hall aka acquaintances. I had friends that I hung out with at sporting events and dances. But I had one friend who I spent pretty much 75% of my time with outside of school. And I loved every minute of it. There are days when I sincerely miss high school (which if you know me says a ton) just because it gave me the opportunity to see my best friend everyday and to truly share our lives. She became part of my family and to this day still is along with her husband and son. But today I see this friend once a week during a good week and talk every two to three days. That doesn't mean that our friendship has weakened but that life has moved on and we have other obligations and responsibilities. But we still love and support each other. We have had ups and downs but we are still there for each other.

Some of the other friends that I was very close to in high school I am still friends with today but in different ways. I don't really text or talk to them on a normal basis. I see them once a month(ish). But again that doesn't mean I don't love them. It just means that life moves us all in different directions. There are days when I have a hard time relating to my single friends and I know there are days they have a hard time relating to me and where I am in life as well. As we grow older keeping friends becomes much more difficult. Keeping that relationship where you are hanging out with a close knit group pretty much every weekend and then slowly that stops happening, On one hand this is sad and on the other it is exciting because it means we are living our lives. Not that friends become less important when growing up but because we start to build our own families, careers, and adventures.

Life isn't about quantity, it's about quality. Such a cliche but so much truth there. I don't have an abundance of friends by any means. The girls women who stood up with me at my wedding are the best group of friends I could have ever asked God to bless me with. There are 5 of them. Jess who is the friend I was referring to earlier, I wouldn't know what to do without her. Linds, who can make me laugh through anything and I see her way less than I would like. Meag, my hair stylist and one of the sweetest most caring people I have ever met. Andrea, who I have been friends with since middle school the one who I can not see for months and our relationship picks up where it left off who has a heart of gold.  Even my sister who is flaky and self centered at times but I know she loves me and wants me to be happy. All of my friends have flaws as do I. My sister's are just more evident the last few years and have hurt me especially around my wedding. This is why I mention them now. But I have changed directions.....

I have been writing this post for a couple of weeks at least. I always sit down to do it and get distracted. Plus writing it for me is a little bit touchy. I love all of my friends and there have been issues between some of us recently and putting it in words has been difficult for me. But I have come to realize these are more growing pains. Figuring out how to relate to those you care about most as their situations change. (I really feel like I am repeating myself lately but the same thoughts have been plaguing me for months) I pray and pray about ways to bring us back to where we were but then realize I don't necessarily want to go back where we were. We have grown as people and made mistakes and there is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes people don't realize they are hurting those around them and there is something wrong with that. Finding the words to tell your best friends that they are being hurtful is truly difficult, so I pray to find those words. I am still struggling with it.

On a somewhat related note I have been feeling a strong call back to church as well. Matt and I have attended only a couple of times this entire year. We have let the call of our bed on Sunday mornings deter us from attending regularly and I believe as a result our marriage has struggled. We have really been fighting off demons lately. And I can't help but feel that not being in the Word has contributed to this.

As I seem to have gone off topic again and can't concentrate to bring this post to a full conclusion, I think I will end it now and hope the next post is more centralized and cohesive.