Second Semester thus far....

Here I am in my 4th semester of college. Wow. I have been out of high school for 2 years. Some days it seems unreal. This was my first week of classes and already I have so much to do. I am taking biology, chemistry, religion and Spanish. Lots and lots of reading. I am trying to stay on top of things but already I am falling behind. It is going to be a long semester, but I don't think any of them have been easy so that is nothing new. In high school it would have devastated me to get a C+ and now I have received two in college and realized that things go on and what I learn isn't based on grades. Guess that is a perspective a Christian liberal college can give you. Though I still do worry daily about getting into Pharmacy school. And I don't have to apply for another year. I need to go back to my way of thinking from last post. Live for now, in the moment. But it is so hard when so much of what I do depends on my decisions today. I guess every day is a risk, in a way. But at the same time not, because God is there to guide it in the path He wants it to take. My relationship with Him is suffering, always. I thought it was becoming stronger again but I realize that I am still on shaky ground in that respect. I try to talk to Him, but everything I say comes out wrong. I know He knows what I mean but it shouldn't be so hard. It should be effortless. Knowing that Jesus Christ is my savior gives me hope for each passing day and yet I can't give Him that hope back. I wish I could truly trust Him. But my heart right now has a small piece that just can't. I keep praying and having faith but there is one small part of me that is still so scared.