2015 Goals

I think the thing I want to focus on this year is that goals are not stagnant. Writing them down does not really set them in stone. Life happens and things change. At the beginning of 2014 I had no idea I would get pregnant in January and have little to no energy or time for doing most of the things on my "101 Things to do in 2014" list. You will notice this list is still up even though I have added a page for my 2015 goals as well. That is because I want to incorporate some of the 2014 goals into the 2015 goals. The goals I have written for 2015 are just the beginning. I want to work to cross some off by mid year and then add more. And I am sure as the months pass I will change the goals to fit what I end up really having time to do. There is so much I want to accomplish this year. I want to be a better person, a better wife, a better mother, a better budgeter, better with my time, better at digging into God's word, better at getting and staying organized and I could probably go on for a while. I know that there is no way I will accomplish all this if I dive right in and try to start doing everything at once which I think was the flaw with 101 things to do list. You just see all this stuff and don't really know where to start and get overwhelmed and think I will never get most of this done anyway so why try? At least that was how it made me feel. My life kind of revolves around lists now though. What I need to do each night to prepare for work and prepare Logan for daycare, what I need to do each morning to get out the door on time, what we need at the store, and errand after errand after errand because for some reason when you become a mom, the to do list never ends.

There is a reason behind each of my goals and I am going to give you a little insight into each area I want to work on but I know these will change as the year goes on. And that is ok by me. I just want to bring more harmony to our family and our house and not feel like time is just slipping away. Which is kind of how 2014 felt. 

So here they are...
Health- I want to take baby steps to better health. It was always my goal to be in better health before we had kids but that didn't happen so much. Now that we actually have a little one, I want to be in better shape for him so that I can chase him and enjoy his growing up even more.

• Exercise once a week by July
• Try healthy recipe once a month
• Drink half my body weight in water

Work-Things at work are interesting for lack of a better word and this job isn't something I want to do forever so I want to take steps to find something that feels more long term.

• Update resume
• Put feelers out for new job

Spirit-Matt and I have been struggling with this area of our lives a lot lately. Mostly for lack of trying if I am completely honest. We let all the other areas of our lives drain us so that we don't have time for God and that isn't how it should be. We have struggled with finding a church home and finding time for God's word on our own. These goals may seem small but they would be huge accomplishments and bring me infinitely closer to God.

• Read one devotional
• Start going to church again

Marriage-Our marriage really took a blow when Logan was born. We struggled to connect because of time and emotional issues that both of us were dealing with. Even before Logan was born we were having some trouble and having a hard time just feeling like us. It continues to be a struggle but we are both working at it.

• Go on a date once a month
• Read 2 marriage books
• Get away for a weekend
• Start having financial meetings

Parenting-This whole being a mom thing is still really new to me and I want to be better at it. I had a hard time connecting with Logan in the beginning because as I would come to find out I was wading through postpartum depression (which I hope to elaborate on in a post at some point). It is still a struggle for me and I want to be better at spending quality time with him with no distractions. 

• Read to Logan 3 times a week
• Read 3 parenting books
• Spend 30 minutes everyday with Logan, no distractions
• Transition Logan to his crib

Talent-I really want to take time this year to learn new things and go back to what I used to love to do. I used to love editing pictures and playing with graphic editing programs I want to try to hone those skills maybe into something profitable. I am also making a concentrated effort to make a little extra money each month. I will be sharing how much side income I bring in each month.

• Explore side income opportunities
• Look into taking classes
• Get back into working with graphics

Friends-In all reality I feel I should have more goals in this area. Maintaining friendships becomes infinitely harder when kids enter in the picture. And it was hard even before that because of all the various schedules of my friends. But I feel like this goal is a good start.

• Make an effort to get together with a friend once a week

Financial-Once again I have some pretty lofty financial goals. I think these are pretty self explanatory. We did start using YNAB (You Need a Budget) in December and it has kind of been a game changer so I may delve into this more in the coming months as well.

• Pay off Meijer Credit Card
• Build emergency savings to certain amount
• Start saving for a down payment on a house
• Buy extra life insurance and start the process of creating a will
• Save money each month for Christmas
• Create more short term, targeted savings goals
• Attempt to lower regular, monthly bills

Misc-These are goals that didn't perfectly fit in any of the other categories that were on the 2015 resolutions printable I found. I want to get our house more in order so I am also using another printable for monthly organizing goals and posting that on the fridge.

• Write at least once a week (52 times between blog and regular journal)
• Read a total of 24 books
• Organize and purge an area of our home every month
• Establish daily, weekly and monthly routines

I am also using a monthly printable I found to write out my bite size goals towards the larger goals each month. So here are my bite size goals for January and my progress so far:

• Read one parenting book (currently trying to finish one I started in October)
• Find a healthy recipe to try
• Buy new exercise DVD
• Start devotional again that I started last year
• Go on a date with Matt
• Look into booking a room for Valentines Day
• Make some sort of side income (already accomplished this one :-))
• Accomplish monthly organizing goals
• Make extra deposit into emergency savings.

I realize that it is now the middle of January as I post this but I will try to do an update on how things are going at the beginning of February. I also hope to get up a 3 month update for our little guy :-). To sum it up, he is growing up too fast!

I am still alive....

A new year has arrived in full force here in the Midwest. The snow is flying after a month with barely any snowfall. I have returned to work after 12 weeks off with our little guy who decided to grace us with his entrance into the world on October 15, 2014 at 8:03 PM weighing 9 pounds, 9 ounces and 22 inches long. Well he didn't so much decide to arrive as we evicted him forcefully because I think he was just too comfy in there, in other words I had a c-section 12 hours after my water had been broken when I was dilated to 3 almost 4. And nothing happened except for painful contractions that entire time. No more dilating and no moving down. I was pretty disappointed initially, I really didn't want to have major abdominal surgery on top of being a new mom. I decided to call my aunt who has some medical expertise and she reassured me that c-sections are just sometimes necessary and that the recovery would be a little rocky but with all the help I have close to home she thought I could handle it. I also texted my best friend and she called and talked to me about how she had been praying against complications with my labor and delivery because she just had a feeling and then my mind was pretty much made up and they went ahead and prepared me for surgery. And now here with are almost three months later.....

 Still in shock that I had been growing this little guy

Checking himself out in the mirror this past weekend

Things have been in one word: different. A lot has happened over the past almost three months and I hope to write in more detail about some of them as the days go by and a routine sinks in with being a working mom. I just came back to work on Monday with a heavy heart but this is what I have to do to take care of our son and give him what he needs and deserves. Plus in all honesty I don't think God intended for me to be a stay at home mom, I like coming to work (most days) and enjoy providing for our family. Though the whole label of SAHM, WAHM etc etc drives me a little bonkers. We are all moms, why do we need to classify exactly what kind of mom we are?

I wanted to end by letting you know about how I did on my 101 87 things to do in 2014 list. Pretty much it was a bust...with the pregnancy and having a new baby I found it difficult to get out or have motivation to do much. Some of them I made progress on but didn't actually finish. I am going to be doing a goals/resolutions list for 2015 that I think will be much smaller than this but include some of those things I didn't quite get to. I am also going to try and do monthly updates on my goals for the year, as well as updates on our guy. So here is where I ended up at....

13/101
101 87 Things to Do in 2014

1. Spend a romantic weekend with Matt
2. Type up half of journals
3. Go to Las Vegas
4. Take a day trip to Chicago
5. Have a girls night out
6. Go to Binder Park Zoo (4/16)
7. Go to a zoo I have not visited
8. Go to the beach
9. Go camping
10. Try out meal planning for one whole month
11. Pay off both credit cards (1 down, 1 to go) (Mar 14)
12. When credit cards are paid off, make more than minimum payment on all debt
13. Do not accumulate any new debt (end year with less debt than started)
14. Try 5 new recipes

• Copycat Panera Mac and Cheese (5/14)
• Another Mac and Cheese Recipe (6/11)
• Creamy Italian Chicken (6/14)
• Snickerdoodle Popcorn (12/26)

15. Try 5 new crockpot recipes
16. Reorganize music on laptop
17. Host a game night
18. Read 5 books of the Bible
19. Read 20 Fiction books (8/20) (Aug 25)
20. Read 5 Finance books (2/5) (Feb 9)
21. Read 5 Christian books
22. Read 5 Nonfiction books (1/5) (Jan 18)
23. Read 5 Memoirs (2/5) (Aug 25)
24. Visit family in Traverse City
25. Recover my blankie (In progress as of 7/18) Turned out so awesome and ended up with a keepsake for me and a blankie for our son :-) Thanks Meag!
26. Start to learn how to sew
27. Make blanket with old t-shirts
28. Back up my computer
29. Try out a funky color in my hair
30. Make homemade treats for dog
31. Make homemade treats for cats
32. Watch 35 movies I have never seen before (15/35) (Aug 25)
33. See 3 movies in the theatre (2/3) (Jun 7)(Nov?)
34. Start a journal
35. Write 10 notes to friends and family for no particular reason
36. Know all family and friend birthdays and have them recorded on calendar for future years
37. Organize spare bedroom Clean out spare bedroom and set up nursery :-)
38. Start walking the dog again
39. Hang up 5 more picture frames
40. Go garage saleing
41. Spend a night at the cottage
42. Carve a pumpkin
43. Volunteer at the animal shelter
44. Organize clothes
45. Watch a sunrise
46. Watch a sunset
47. Play a new game
48. Sort through hope chest
49. Do something with Matt that neither of us has done
50. Give some stuff away
51. Buy a grill
52. Start to look into taking classes
53. Blog four times a month
54. Send Christmas Cards
55. Do one cross-stitch project
56. Put together a puzzle
57. Start the wedding scrapbook
58. Put our wedding pictures in an album for the coffee table
59. Get a new couch (on layaway as of 5/26, I think that counts!)
60. Have a snowball fight
61. Go sledding
62. Shoot a gun
63. See Whitney at least once!
64. Host Turkey Day once again
65. Organize my jewelry
66. Tithe 5%
67. Come up with a system to track kitchen inventory
68. Organize books on Goodreads (make categories)
69. Organize desk to keep better track of papers
70. Clean out email
71. Create a cleaning schedule
72. Start counting calories again
73. Try a new exercise DVD
74. Bake 5 new things

• Red Lobster Biscuits (From box but I still say it counts :-)) (Feb 3)

75. Bake anything at least 5 times
76. Organize recipe binder
77. Read a poetry book
78. Tip a waitress 100% or more
79. Organize bathroom
80. Give up pop
81. Give up something for Lent
82. Make homemade gifts
83. Get dressed up and go out
84. Try out new ways to make extra money
85. Keep resume updated
86. Color
87. Play a new board game

Hurry Up And Wait

Tomorrow is the beginning of October, one week from my due date. I sit here, still pregnant, still waiting. We have spent weeks preparing for the arrival of our son and now it seems that the to do list has grown smaller and our house more prepared (though I am sure not totally prepared as we never can be for new adventures). The car seat is in the car, our bags our in the car, just waiting for when Logan Dale decides to make his entrance into this world. This hurry up and wait as I have deemed it is kind of not so much for me. At my doctor's appointment last week I was 2 cm dilated, the week before I was 1 cm dilated and I really kind of thought this show would get on the road before my next appointment which is today and the show has yet to begin. Contractions on and off but nothing at any regular interval or even lasting for the same amount of time. I am still so anxious and nervous about being a mom but trying to give those worries up to God.

_________________________________________________________________________________

And here I sit one day before my due date still waiting.....wondering if this means my son will be as stubborn as I am and what that means for the future (if he is anything like me, Matt and I are in for a heck of an eighteen years). Each day that passes brings more anxiety (when is the last time he moved? was that a contraction? why did getting up from the couch hurt like that? and on and on and on). Though I feel that I have gotten better about saying a prayer over these things and moving on with my day. Everyone says he just isn't quite ready yet and maybe that is the truth. Maybe he will surprise us all and labor will start on its own but I feel that I should also mentally and spiritually prepare myself for induction.

___________________________________________________________________________________

Now we are one day after my due date. This is pretty much how I am processing things lately, in pieces and slowly. I have meant to come back and finish up my thoughts twice now and just haven't found those words. Maybe it is because I have gotten out of the habit of writing on a regular basis. As a teenager, words poured from my writing utensil to the page or from my fingertips to the screen. Yeah maybe a lot of it was hormones or crazy teenage angst or something but still the words flowed and I could express myself what seemed to be easily. As I have gotten older and my journaling has trickled to a slow flow, finding the right words (or really any words) has become difficult. I guess that could be chalked up to more complicated problems and situations and therefore emotions but something tells me that what I was once passionate about has fallen down my list of priorities. Writing has fallen down the list behind dishes, laundry, taking care of pets, cleaning, working, errand running, watching Netflix endlessly....you get the picture. And when I start to think about priorities I also realize my relationship with God has fallen towards the bottom as well. I haven't been to bible study in about a month and haven't even done the study which I told myself I would. I still lean on prayer but that isn't really enough. Especially when I am anytime now to be responsible for raising a child in this crazy mixed up world. I want him to know the true love of God before 15, not just as an abstract idea like me. I want him to be raised in a household that loves God and shows it in whatever we do. Matt wants this too but when I think about what that really means and what that means we should change, it can be hard to let go of those habits in our everyday lives. To lay down our lives and take up our cross and show our son what this means. 

I feel like I have started rambling and gone off on a tangent which was not the intent when I started this post. But maybe I needed to remind myself of some of these things. That I need to spend time reevaluating my priorities from time to time because I am not the best at reminding myself what is important when I am tired and/or busy. The hurry up and wait can apply to getting ready for a big life event but I think it can even apply in every day life. We hurry up to get so much stuff done but how much of it is the important stuff? 

Dear Son

To Our Son,

As I sit here 26 weeks pregnant, feeling you squirm and wiggle and even do acrobatics sometimes I swear, I can't imagine that in October you will be here and we will hold you in our arms. Mommy and Daddy already love you more than you could ever possibly imagine. Over the weekend, Daddy felt you move for the first time and the look on his face is one that I will never forget. You see, your daddy already has a little boy in heaven, your little brother who was taken from this world far to soon and his heart aches with that pain every day. And now that you are coming into this world, he sees it as another chance, a new beginning. You can't replace your little brother but you can start to fill that empty spot in Daddy's heart, just as you are filling a hole in my life that I never knew I had until I saw that positive pregnancy test. This feeling of pure joy, unlike any I had ever experienced before, washed over me in that moment and later in the day when I told Daddy about your existence. All we could do was laugh and cry and hug each other in that moment. Now I spend many days thinking about how much will change when you actually arrive. You are the greatest gift we have ever received and I want you to know some things:

• That you are loved, have been loved since the day you started growing inside of me, and will be loved by us your whole life no matter what.
• That Mom and Dad will make mistakes, we are not perfect
• That life is not fair and sometimes things will be hard
• That Jesus, God's own son, died for your sins and is our Savior.
• That sometimes things in this world do not make sense and all you can do is pray that God is at work in a larger way than we could ever imagine

This is just the beginning of a long list that keeps growing in my head. I mean to write them down but sometimes they float away before I can put them in just the right words. I think above everything else I just want you to be happy, to know God, and to know that you are loved unconditionally. 

___________________________________

I wanted to put this in writing because I thought the words would be easier to find if I was able to think them through first but that doesn't seem to be the case as I sit here still writing this letter 6 weeks later. Mommy has never been that great with words but writing always seemed to help with that problem until I became pregnant with you, now words mostly escape me. I am just in awe that Daddy and I made you and that you are growing and developing inside of me. I thank God every time I feel you move and still don't feel like I am being grateful enough. I think words aren't enough. I hope that when I meet you face to face for the first time and hold you close, you will instinctively know how much I love you. And that as you grow up that love will never change. As the weeks pass, faster and faster it seems, and we get closer to when you will make your entrance into the world I become more anxious and scared but excitement is starting to be the prominent emotion. I teared up this morning on my drive to work just thinking about meeting you and seeing you with Daddy for the first time. It just brings a joy to my heart that really can't be put into words. 

I can't wait to meet you. God has blessed us by making us your parents. We get to raise you and watch you grow and help you along the way. I feel privileged to have been chosen by God to be your mom. And I only hope that you will be able to see that as your grow up even when you may not agree or like the way that I am parenting. 

There is so much I want to say but am still struggling to find the words. Just know that no matter what happens, we will always be here for you, loving you and praying for you.

Love, 
Mom and Dad

Favorite Things This Week

Things that have made me smile this week:

1. The fact that my hubby loves the smell of this soap and asked me to buy more :-)

2. The fact that our little guy is moving like crazy (that's right, it's a boy!!)

3. Sleeping kitties

Passed out!! This one cracks me up every time!

4. Fishing with my hubby even if the fish just eat my worms and he is the only one to catch any lol.

My happy place

5. Going to buy one of Matt's father's day presents on Amazon and realizing I still had a gift card balance! Here is what I got for daddy (and sort of for his new sidekick):

Source

6. Looking at all the fun superhero nursery stuff on Pinterest (follow the link to check out all the fun stuff I have pinned) and Etsy(follow this link to check out the printables I think I am going with)!

Memory

Note: This post is about a month in the making and rambles quite a bit but something I think I have needed to write for a while.


I just read a blog post by one of my dear friends about memory. How she can remember all these little things from so long ago and small details that other people might miss. My memories from childhood (and kind of in general) are flashes of moments and mostly completely vague. The smell of rice in kindergarten and letters that had names. Doing multiplication in the hallway in first grade (the only time I was ever better at math than other kids in my class). Breaking my arm somewhere around second grade. Walking to the babysitters after school. One day in the rain because the babysitter had came to pick everyone up but I had started walking and she didn't stop for me when she passed. Then going to my aunt's house after school starting around 4th grade. Riding the school bus in 5th grade, thinking I was cool when I totally wasn't. Losing my best friend in 6th grade who confirmed that I was not cool. Making a new best friend around that same time. And then there is a lot of pain and jealousy and probably multiple bouts of depression that I did not recognize because I just blamed hormones as did my parents. In the midst of that are also those times of happiness and moments that can only be described as joy. Middle school is kind of a blur but I met the person who is still my best friend to this day. And our journey of laughter began. It wouldn't be until the awfulness of the high school experience set in that we would begin our journey in tears as well. Probably 4 of the hardest years of my life in a completely first world kind of way. Actually looking back on it, in a completely self absorbed teenager kind of way which is probably normal for a lot of people. But some of that history still cuts me like a knife to this day, to read things I wrote during that time still breaks my heart because that girl, she didn't know what God had in store and how much of a blessing her life truly was (and still is to this day). Even into college I continued to allow myself to be hurt and opened myself up to pain willingly. I thought that sex would just make everything go away. That it made everything better. Along with just not caring and doing whatever I felt like at the time, whether that be drink or use illegal substances or to give in to what others wanted me to do and be.

Growing up meant facing my issues. It meant letting go of all of those memories and tears and that meant losing the boy who had become my best friend, the one I escaped with, the one I loved. One day I grew tired of the pain, of the back and forth, of the lies and stopped answering his phone calls. It was one of the most difficult things I ever did in my life but that day, God gave me the courage to stand strong and swooped in and truly saved me. I sought help from a therapist and finally, finally moved forward with my life. Most days honestly, I still think about him at least once, then I say a prayer for him and set it aside. I honestly have no idea how his life ended up and it breaks my heart because I thought for so long that I could save him but God reminded me that I am not the savior, He is. I had shown him love and he rejected it. Sometimes the only thing we have left is prayer. Some days I want to call his mom and find out how he is and I did about once a year for a couple years after I stopped talking to him but I found even that was more pain than I could bear. Because knowing he was still lost (and still is as far as I know) is one of the most difficult things that I live with every day of my life. Even though God has brought me to this wonderful place with this man who truly loves me and blessed us with a child growing in my womb, I still feel my friend's pain. It all came flooding back at a concert I went to recently with my husband and a couple of dear friends. It was a Casting Crowns concert. Casting Crowns was one of the first Christian bands I fell in love with as a new Christian and a couple of their songs remind me of this time in my life as I was struggling with how to move forward. They played "Praise You in This Storm" and a strong urge to pray for him once again hit me and the tears fell and I prayed. And I praised God for bringing me out of that storm, stronger and more knowledgeable about the pain of life and love.

To be completely honest with myself I have to admit that there are a few memories from that time and with him that I still have not fully let go and that when I think about them they make me smile. God gave us a memory, a storage center in our brain, to help us to learn, to help us to see things on our journey, to bring us to new places in the journey that He guides us on throughout our lives. To forget where I have come from and how much I have changed from that lost girl with no hope in the future would be to forget the journey God has been with me on even before I knew He was there. 

I feel beyond blessed that Matt and I will be able to raise our little one and make memories as a family that will guide them on their journey. There will be joy. There will be pain. You can not know one without the other. I can only hope that our children will have the privilege of knowing Jesus all their lives and be able to see purpose far sooner than I ever did.

Debt Reduction March and April 2014

Yes I am a total and complete slacker and am over a month late with this update. As my last post explains, staying on top of things has been difficult for me as I am growing a human being and my head is in twelve places at once. As such, this may be the last official update and I may just continue to keep my paper record and at the end of the year, let you know how we did. Because I know that things are only going to get crazier and I did not even budget for April or May except for our regular bills. I am very happy with where our savings is at this point but I know we need to save more before the baby gets here, which means that I need to get my butt back in gear on the budgeting front. I bought Quicken and am hoping the automatic updating of accounts and categorization will help me to stay more on top of things. Plus we will each have an app on our phones where we can take pictures of receipts and link that to a transaction. So if we lose receipts, it will be no big deal anymore. Though I may not be doing monthly debt payoff updates, I will try to let you know if this change in how we budget helps us out. But onto the numbers....

Here is how our debt numbers looked at the beginning of April...

Credit Card #1: $0 (-363.24) (In other words PAID OFF)

Credit Card #2: $4,190.64 (-152.99)

Car Loan: $12,357.83 (-189.19)

Student Loan #1: 27,865.35

Student Loan #2: $56,914.03 (-151.00)

End of March Debt: $101,327.85

Debt Paid off in March: $856.42

Debt Paid off in 2014: $1342.37

The March debt number is higher because Student Loan #1 has gained interest. But the good news is my smaller credit card balance is paid off!!!! That card hasn't been paid off in a very long time, I did the responsible thing and used our tax refund to pay if off but the rest of it got spent.....at least there is one less monthly payment to worry about. But for debt paid off throughout the year I still totaled the amount I have actually paid towards debt. I think I will continue to update on debt status but probably not much else for the rest of this year at least. Going to try and get back on the saving and paying down debt wagon. Since it is May, decided to include April pay off as well.

Here are our debt numbers as of the beginning of this month....

Credit Card #1: $21.50

Credit Card #2: $4,073.01 (-117.63)

Car Loan: $12,165.62 (-192.21)
Student Loan #1: $27,865.35
Student Loan #2: $56,781.28 (-132.75)
End of April Debt: $100,906.76
Debt Paid off in April: $442.59
Debt Paid off in 2014: $1784.96

So in case you are wondering I did not use credit card #1, Matt and I went to a zoo last fall right before they closed and turns out their credit card machine got turned off before being closed out. This means that we were never charged until they turned it back on at the beginning of May. This will get paid off as soon as I can get things straightened out with my credit card after thinking someone got my credit card number and then finding out they didn't. Also once again student loan #1 is still a challenge for me to use in calculations, I don't get statements so I can't see balance from month to month, only when I look at it that day. So because I didn't track it like I should have at the beginning of the year, the numbers are slightly off. I will be recording balance at the end of every month from now on in order to keep better track. I am pretty proud of the progress we have made but honestly slightly disappointed that I am falling off the wagon. Hopefully by the beginning of June I can have Quicken figured out (still getting used to the software but like what I see so far in terms of visualizing our spending) with the help of a book. I have a guide in my amazon cart but waiting until there is something else I need so that I can get free shipping. 

I currently have another post in the works and want to do a pregnancy update but sleep has been winning once again, that and housework and hubby time and trying to figure out summer plans and starting to get a little stressed about baby stuff oh and work and....the list goes on and it will only get longer once our little one is here. Ultrasound is May 30 so I will probably be doing a big update after that with pictures of our little bambino :-)

Ta Ta for now!